Compositional Break, part 3
By: Chocolate-chan
"Guys, it's time for dinner. Quit hiding in here."
Hikaru came in and hugged Tsuki, tickling him in that way he
couldn't fight, leaving him wriggling on Trunks' lap. "What
are you doing, anyway? You up to something?"
"It's just story time," Trunks told his daughter with a
smile, and plastered it on tightly. He knew they had to keep the
peace on a day such as this, but he was nervous. He loved Goten's
cooking... it would feel like they were a family again, with all
the kids there, but still he was...... inexplicably nervous. He
looked down at his son and was determined not to have the day
ruined for him.
"Come on O-tou-san, I'm hungry!" Tsuki leapt to his
feet and dragged his father out of the room for a good few hours
of feasting and presents. Trunks followed him, but released his
hand as the boy darted for his seat at the table. Goten kissed
him on the top of his ragged head, beaming down at him.
Tsukishiro was the man's constant source of joy... far more so
than Trunks had been of late. Everyone settled around the table,
every face familiar and beloved, and some of them were starting
to worry. Goten sat and Tsukishiro's eyes found his father, the
two of them gazing above everyone's heads at each other. The
innocent smile dropped from the boy's face, and he started to
wonder as well, Trunks was sure of that. After telling his story,
Trunks was not in the mood for a Saiyan-sized feast, but he sat
down anyway with a smile and Tsuki's concerns evaporated.
Trunks ate, but not well. He didn't want to look at his son to
his right, for the child would easily see through his mask, and
he simply couldn't bring himself to look at Goten, and spent a
lot of time in silence as a result.
"You've barely eaten..." Goten's husky voice blessed
his ears along with the lightest of touches to his forearm. Kami,
it felt as though it had been forever since Goten touched him....
He's trying so hard, Trunks told himself. "Are you
okay?"
"I'm fine, Goten." It came out brusquely, but not
unkind. He didn't have the strength for unkind. But Goten still
pulled away as though stung. Go-chan....
Ai opened the door when it knocked, passing through the front
hall with a soda in hand. The woman pursed her lips when she saw
it was a stranger. The man at the door appeared to be even
younger than her youngest brother, maybe in his mid-twenties.
"Hello," Ai greeted him warmly. The man looked
uncertain. He was dark of coloring but with pale green eyes, and
they glanced over his shoulder before returning the greeting.
"Is there something I can do for you?"
"Yes, uhm... does Son Goten live here?"
"He's my father," she said with a smile, and the man
blinked and looked at her a little more closely. "Would you
like me to go get him?"
"Take your time-" he urged, following her invitation to
step inside. Ai gestured to a chair sitting against the wall. She
paused on her way out and watched the man. He was obviously
nervous about something. He was no one she'd seen before, which
followed if he was uncertain of the place her father had been
living in for the past twenty-five or so years.
"If you like, I shall endeavor to delay." She looked at
him with some knowing in her face.
"Yes," he said, a nearly mortified smile on his face.
"Tou-chan," she said as she passed through the living
room. "Someone to see you in the front hall when you have a
minute." Goten was sitting with Tsuki on his lap, who was
showing him all of his new things, and the other children
clustered around him as they were wont to do. Goten commanded
juvenile attention as usual, and they were all distracting him
with their stories and hugs to his legs and attempts to share
Tsuki's position in his lap.
"Alright-" and he was distracted again. Ai continued
her journey through to the kitchen, and watched as Trunks set the
phone into its cradle with a confused look tugging at his
features.
"Trunks-san?" she paused. "Is something the
matter?"
"Hum?" He hadn't appeared to have noticed her up until
then. "Oh, nothing, just that my father's coming over soon
for some weird reason. I'm not sure why- I mean, he has his own
gravity room. No one uses ours."
Ai laughed slightly at the rueful grin on his face, knowing he
wouldn't admit that to his father. "Maybe he's just a little
lonely," she hazarded. "I mean, Bulma-san's been gone a
while now..." she had known the sad look that had tugged at
his features would come with her words. It was perhaps even
sadder that Trunks had kept so much of his grief to himself.
Goten had been there for him from the outset, and maybe if Trunks
had been able to share, it could have lead to some sort of- What?
Ai asked herself. She was amazed yet again at the sheer folly
that people could engage in, the monumental pride of these
demi-Saiyan warriors.
"Don't worry about it, Ai-chan." Trunks dropped a hand
onto her head. "Feel free to come see him if you like; he'll
be here in two or three weeks. He kind of likes you. You're
quiet." The two chuckled for a moment.
People filtered out, the main hall in shadows, but all of them
knew their way. They had either grown up there or spent enough
time getting to know the two demi-Saiyans that they were familiar
with the floor plan. Tsuki ran out with his nephew and the two
set up shop on one of the steps, playing with the little model
cars that the fifteen-year-old refused to outgrow. "Didja
have a good birthday?" Yoshitsune asked, almost idly as he
tested the traction of a model T.
"Bai Keisuke-kun!" Tsuki waved. "Yeah, I enjoyed
it. I liked your present, domo." He grinned, and Yoshi
shrugged in that way his grandfather had.
"I knew you needed one. But you've seemed kinda..." The
boy paused, stilling his car as he glanced up at his uncle.
"Jumpy, I guess, today. Wanna tell me what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," Tsuki said. "Everything was
perfect. Too perfect."
"What do you mean?" The older boy asked, both of them
unaware that they were being listened to.
"Kami, Yoshi... you don't know what it's like!"
"Goten and Trunks," Yoshi mused to himself.
"Your grandparents. Show some respect." Tsuki had
reigned himself in from his outburst. "Did you see them at
dinner, the way they tried not to look at each other? They were
trying not to fight, for me. I hate it."
"You hate that they didn't want to ruin your birthday?"
Yoshi pressed, looking for his point.
"I hate the fact that they act like children with each
other. They love each other and we all know it, but they fight
over the stupidest things! And Papa... " Tsuki shook his
head. "He's a Son alright. He won't say anything to Father.
He doesn't want to make it worse.... but it hurts him. It's
gotten worse and worse. Ever since... I dunno. But when I was
little it was so rare. They've been together twenty-five years.
Aren't you supposed to stop fighting after a certain
point?"
"The fight is in the blood," Yoshi observed solemnly.
"You know that's not what I mean." The boy shoved one
car lightly, dejectedly, along the step. "Father's so
distant... it's all Papa can do not to show that he's hurt, but I
know he is. I can't explain it. Father knows he's doing it, but
when he tries to stop it... he fails. You know, no one sleeps in
the master bedroom anymore?" Tsuki abandoned the tiny metal
distraction and leaned his elbows over his arms.
"You're the only one that's around to see them all the time
now," Yoshi replied.
"Father stays at work till really late. When he comes home
he goes to the attic. Watches TV." The boy kicked his toe at
a lower step glumly. "Falls asleep with it on."
"And O-jii-chan?"
"Sleeps in another room. That's where I go. He reads a lot,
so I sit on the end of the bed and stuff... read sometimes
too." The young demi-Saiyan knew that if anyone understood
or had any clue, his nephew and close friend did. "It's just
like... they lost something. A long time ago. Pretended
everything was okay, but it wasn't... and now...."
Inexplicably angry for some reason, the boy kicked violently at
the step and snatched his cars up. "I'm goin' to my
room."
Yoshi settled himself on the steps and propped his chin on his
palms, knowing better than to go after the boy thus. He tilted
his head in the quiet contemplation he was prone to when
addressing a problem. He stared out the window, watched his
uncles and aunts and cousins get into their cars, laughing and
hugging and renewing phone numbers first. He wasn't sure what
made him turn his head, but he caught the unwavering gaze of the
man standing in the hall and blinked. "Hello."
"Uhm...." He grinned a bit. It was a familiar
expression to the boy, who was trying very hard to place him.
"Have you been waiting long? Who let you in?" The boy
dropped his arms into his lap as he half-turned.
"The woman... uhm... Goten's daughter?"
"Ba-chan," Yoshi nodded. "Who are you?"
"We haven't met."
"Wamme to go get somebody?" The man looked up from the
family portrait he held in his hand. Over the years they had been
gradually replaced. Some with Marron and a group of three chibis
still remained, but many of them held the complete family as it
was now. This was one of those, Yoshi knew from many years of
passing it day after day.
The man held his silence, and his eyes peered up at the boy,
almost a milky green, wearing a friendly half-smile when he spoke
after a long consideration. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop. It
doesn't sound like the kind of thing you'd wanna share with
people outside the family, and all." He had an odd accent,
Yoshi thought; one he was not personally familiar with.
"Too late now," The dark-eyed boy decided at last,
"It's okay. Who are you?"
"Just someone who's wondering...." He adjusted the
picture on the table back into place. "... If maybe I
shouldn't put my problems on this family. They seem to have their
own lives to deal with already." His face was solemn, and he
brushed back his dark hair as he turned to the boy. "Maybe I
shouldn't have come here."
"Noble sentiments, I must say...." the boy scratched
his nose absently. "Very lacking in self confidence."
He grinned suddenly. "Just for you, kid.... I'll be back.
Eventually."
"Ahh. Well... Ja, ne?" Yoshitsune rose to go raid the
kitchen again, leaving the man to his own devices. He heard the
front door close a few moments later.
Goten, having completely forgotten about him, wrapped up for the
night and climbed the staircase, going to his new assumed bed. He
was fairly sure Tsuki was already there waiting to read with him.
The boy usually was. Goten often wondered why he never preferred
to go see his father, but he had the tact, at least, not to ask.
He was startled when the bathroom door opened and Trunks nearly
bowled him down. Goten found himself regaining balance on one
still-damp forearm, pushing himself away far enough to stand on
his own. Trunks smelled so good, water and something
musky-sweet... Kami... when's the last time I made love to
him? Goten caught those lovely blue eyes as they peered down
into his. There was a trace of something there... something....
"You did a good job today," Trunks told him. Goten
heart swelled with the praise, and broke apart at the stillness
about his mate's features. "I've got a headache. I'm going
upstairs."
Goten felt his chin drop and struggled to hold it upright. For a
moment he wanted to grab him and insist that he stay, that they
go to bed together, but even though he knew Trunks
wouldn't refuse him, he merely nodded and whispered "'Kay.
I'll... see you-" he shrugged. "Whenever."
Trunks paused for a moment, and looked at Goten- really looked at
him, for the first time in a long time, and felt his heart twist
at what he saw. Goten was beautiful; that undeniable fact had
never changed. He looked like he was still in his late twenties,
really, the effects of time barely touching him in comparison to
the family they had raised. He also looked desolate, his dark
eyes shining perhaps too brightly. Trunks hated the thought that
he had made the man cry yet again, and the thought caused him to
run away. He cleared his throat uneasily and laid a hand on
Goten's arm, just a light brush, and headed down the hall for the
second staircase.
Goten let out a soft sigh, just like every other night, and
forced a smile across his features as he headed into the room
where his offspring sat in his pajamas, beneath the covers,
pulling the hem up to his chin. His eyes were oddly unreadable
and so much like his father's that Goten nearly cried out. But
Tsukishiro moved over for him in the bed and Goten climbed in
despite the fact that he was dressed. He wrapped one strong arm
about the boy, dragging his son's cold limbs against his warmer
ones and wondering at how this part of their relationship had
been the same since the boy could sit up on his own. And Kami, he
seemed almost as young at that moment.
"Papa, you...." Tsuki snagged the hem of the blanket
between his teeth, the nervous gesture seeming not quite fitting
on him. He was like Trunks in that when he thought, the emotion
fled from his face, and any of the gestures like biting
fingernails and tapping fingers seemed out of place with his
lifeless mask. "You love him a lot."
"Yeah..." Goten leaned back against the headboard and
stared at the ceiling, his resolve faltering. He wanted his
husband back so badly... "I do."
"It's amazing." The boy commented softly. For some
reason, however, the man did not think he was referring to the
capacity for love. No, it was most definitely something closer to
home, but Goten couldn't catch a glimpse of the thoughts that
went through his head. "And you showed it..." his
too-blue eyes flickered upward to his face before meeting the far
wall again. "Back then. Tell me more. I want to know."
"Well..." Goten frowned to himself. Maybe that was why
Trunks seemed moodier than usual tonight. "Where were
you?"
"Father had just decided that he would let you take the
baby, in the hospital that time."
"Ahhh...."
"Goten-" Trunks' voice was a little strangled.
"I heard you gave in."
Goten saw his face crease in a miserable smile and moved over to
him, one knee bending the mattress as he reached to encircle the
warm figure of his beloved. He pressed a kiss to one temple,
sighing softly at the familiar- and not so familiar- lines of his
body as he pressed himself into the younger demi-Saiyan. Part of
him objected to showing the man affection, but he ignored its
strident voice.
"I just... I want you to be happy, Go-chan."
Trunks' sentiments were obviously genuine, but something about
the way he said it, something uncertain and resigned, made Goten
stop to wonder. Why had he changed his word? Was it really about
Goten's desires in the matter?
The nurse was one he had seen there often enough, and she looked
at them with big concerned eyes. "The doctors are coming to
see you. They'll be here in a moment. We'll see how much we can
do then."
Goten nodded once and turned back to Trunks. He looked so
distracted it was hard to get a read on him. "Why did you
change your mind?"
Trunks looked at him and past him, his lips barely moving as he
answered. "I did some thinking."
He looked... smaller, somehow. Goten wondered if Trunks had only
changed his mind so that he wouldn't be angry with him. Of course
the thought had to come sooner or later. Trunks had saved so much
time by delaying that Goten was sorely afraid. Something cold and
remote in his eyes, something completely inturned, gave Goten the
sudden urge to be away, to not touch him. He remembered his
promise, all of a sudden.
"If you don't let me do this, the baby will probably
die. And...... I don't know if I could forgive you for
that." His exclamation afterward had been shock that he
had said it aloud, shock that his innermost fears had been
voiced; that maybe Trunks..... didn't care.
And now... it was hard to see him sitting there with his hands
arranged in the covers, looking so spent and hopeless. It seemed
that the worst case scenario had the oddest symmetry with
reality. Trunks looked dead to the world. Goten started to pace
the room slowly, for some reason the most ridiculous thoughts
burying themselves in his skull.
Of course he cares. He loves his kids as much as I do.
Goten felt a sudden crush of sympathy. Look at him... he's
exhausted. "You feeling okay, Trunks?"
"I..." He licked his lips. "I'm fine. I just... I
want this to be over now. I'm so tired of the.... pain." The
last word was a whisper, dragged from the depths of his heart.
Pain of all sorts, Goten supposed. Whose idea had it been to have
a baby, anyway? It was mine, wasn't it? It was true that
they had both wanted the baby, but if Trunks had never
seen the look on his face that day-
A shiver passed through Trunks' body, wrapped up in his own
thoughts as he was. His scent changed, and Goten was startled at
the things he could smell radiating from the man. He was a little
afraid, but still so resigned and hopeless that it gave Goten a
headache.
The doctors put him through a complete examination, and at last
sat with the two demi-Saiyans. The man who sat on the edge of the
bed told them in no uncertain terms that the baby would die.
"No! I refuse to believe that!" Goten shouted, his
mouth forming a hard line, and gripped Trunks' hand securely, as
he challenged them. "There has to be something you can do.
At least try, goddammit!"
The man was obviously trying very hard to be calming. "There
is no way the baby can be transferred. The new environment will
probably kill the baby as it tries to adjust. It's too weak to
survive the move, even. And if this all keeps up in his body the
way it's going, his immune system will probably try to target the
baby. I'm sorry, but I'm giving it maybe three percent odds of
survival."
Goten was blown into silence, something in his chest constricting
painfully. "Trunks, do something." He turned back to
face the man and was shocked.
Trunks' face had gone completely white, and he huffed softly for
breath. "Increase his dosage," the doctor snapped. The
nurse complied and injected something into some IV. "It's
painkiller," The man added for Goten's benefit.
Even before it subsided, Goten could smell- feel- taste
the defeat that settled over his form. Trunks had totally given
up.
"What happened, Papa?" Tsuki looked up at him, his
eyes blinking wide.
"The baby died, Tsukishiro."
"Maybe that's why it was so hard for Father to tell me about
it." The boy's observation jangled against Goten's suddenly
raw nerves. "But I thought the baby was me."
"You were next, little man. I was...." Goten huffed a
soft breath as he tried to remember the time afterward without
having tears show. "I was really upset about it. It was only
a couple days later."
"You really thought he gave up," the boy reclined into
his father's torso, his sigh reaching Goten's ears. "I don't
think he woulda done that, Papa."
"You weren't there to guide us with your eternal wisdom,
Moon-head. I think... it started to be different after a while,
and it was hard for us to talk about it. One day your father came
to me and began again, without me even knowing this time until it
was too late to stop it. I would have said no."
"Would you? You didn't want another kid?" The boy
looked up at him. Goten thought he saw the signs of sleep about
him already. "So what did you say when you found out?"
"I was angry," he admitted. "It was very painful
the first time, and I didn't want us to experience that again. We
had a big fight over that one. I mean, I was really really hurt
that he would do something like that, start taking the medication
again without my consent. But I came back."
"You left him?"
Goten shook his head in annoyance. He almost had, that time, when
he was in his parents' abandoned house, he had almost opted to
stay there. "I came around. If I had a kid, then I
had to be there. I came back for you, Tsuki." Goten held the
boy close to him and dropped a kiss on the top of his head.
"So....." Tsuki took a long time before he resumed the
thought, and his fingers dug into the blankets, pulling them up
higher about them as he leaned into Goten. "You don't....
love Father anymore? You just came back for me?"
"I didn't say that," Goten corrected gently. "I
came back because I had a responsibility to you. I came back to
him also. I wouldn't still have to be married to him to fulfill
my obligations to my son; I would love you regardless of my
marital status. It's still a hard thing for us to go into. We
don't talk about it to each other. And we never went into it with
you, even though it probably would have been a good idea, for you
to understand."
"But I don't understand, Papa," the young
demi-Saiyan reclined his head against Goten's chest. "Why
did you tell me all of this?" He took a breath in
reflection. "You didn't have to tell me it all."
"If you had asked, and I were to tell you without further
explanation that when your father was pregnant I didn't want you,
would you have understood at all?" Goten brushed his hair
back affectionately. "Could you have felt anything other
than pain if you thought that I didn't want you? Maybe you would
have wondered if I didn't want you now? I couldn't have you think
that, because it's not true. I love you, kid. And you had to know
what would have made me feel that way. It was important that you
understand what had happened and how it affected our
perceptions."
"Sou ka." The boy was silent for a long time, and Goten
thought he had gone to sleep. "If everything I've heard is
true.... this family has a bad history with kids."
"You are joking, right?"
Tsukishiro looked up at him, smiling and dismissing it for the
time being. "Thank you for telling me, Papa."
"You needed to know eventually. You know... it's time for
you to go to bed."
"I wanna stay here..." A fierce yawn ensued. "I
love you too, Papa." His arms moved to encircle Goten's
waist to avoid being put in his own bed, and dropped mid-reach
with sleep.
Goten was touched as he always was by the quality of his child.
He was different, this one... still so innocent and-
"We could have done so much better by you, my son. I'm so
sick of seeing the pain in your face when you don't think I'm
watching. I'm sick of this, being the only one here with you
every day... something's gotta change."
Goten could not honestly say what had degenerated in his marriage
over the years. The last few were worse by far than Tsuki's
toddlerhood. But something needed to change now, or else... Goten
wasn't sure he could go on with it, either way.
But something would be changed now. He looked down into the face
of his son, wondering for a long moment about the future of this
boy who so resembled him, wondering about the delightful creation
of his love and himself. This, he realized, was exactly what he
wanted when he had wanted a child of his own. That painful hope a
person has for their children; the promise that's engraved in
their young faces... Goten thought to himself and regretted some
things, but rejoiced over others. There had been moments like
this with his daughter and he treasured them as closely as he
would this one. Somehow, there was a different feeling when
you've created them yourself and a different feeling from when
you've spent your life trying to overcome the fact that you
haven't.
The moment ended, as such moments do, and Goten eased himself
from his son's embrace, opening the closet to pull out some of
his clothes and set them on the bed. He ventured into the master
bedroom for the first time in many months, noting the dust that
had settled, noting that the scent of himself and his husband had
all but abandoned the room. He pulled a bag from somewhere deep
in the closet, and thought about his son some more as he took
some of the few things he wanted from the master bedroom. Much of
what he needed he had already taken out, but there were a few
things-
I feel so awful. I told him I loved his father and now I'm-
But when the notion had occurred to the dark-haired man, it had
felt so right. And now....
He carried the bag back and threw some things like a toothbrush
into it, some money he kept in the nightstand, the clothes he had
left on the foot of the bed, and everything softly so as not to
wake his son. After a few minutes, he was done, and he looked
around sadly. My last twenty-five years, just packed in a bag
at the drop of a hat. The Son wondered if maybe he should
leave a note. He left the room in thought, doing a last sweep
through the rooms of his home while he considered carefully. Tsuki
would be so much better off here... Trunks can support him, after
all.. he needs to spend more time with him anyway. I hope to god
he does. Or he'll answer to me.
It was incredible, whatever was driving him now. It made his
hands shake, his jaw clench, it made him want to cry from
uncertainty, love and fear and heartbreak. Something inside him
had freed itself. And now that he was free and that piece of him
was broken, he needed to be alone- to peruse the pieces, to
reconstruct them in his mind, to see if he wanted to reconstruct
them in his heart. Tsuki was the only thing that really kept him
tied down to Capsule Corporation. He never saw his husband
anymore, was relieved when the man left a room. He hated their
fights, and he hated how he saw his son looking on, wide blue
eyes wounded as Goten and Trunks struggled desperately to figure
out what they really fought about.
Is this really it for us?
"Father."
The door to the attic pushed open slowly. Trunks, who had been
half drowsing, sat up straight and turned the TV down.
"Tsukishiro? What is it? Is something wrong?" Trunks
threw his legs over the side of the bed.
Now that he was here, the boy debated. Maybe he shouldn't say
anything.... but he was scared. Papa was acting strange and Tsuki
didn't know what to do about it. Obviously if the man had wanted
his son to know what he was up to, he would have done it while
the boy was awake. Tsuki had cracked one eye as Goten left the
room that last time, and that was enough to send him to the
stairway.
"I think you should come downstairs now."
It came out, odd and quiet, a whisper of sound. Trunks thought
that his son resembled a little zombie, a sleepy spirit that
clutched a blanket in fisted hands, something still in the boy's
face. He looked deceptively fragile all of a sudden.
"Why?" Trunks stood above the boy, looking down at him
intently. Tsuki looked more nervous with each step his father
drew nearer. "Is something the matter?" The boy hardly
ever dared the attic.
"Please," the boy whispered, pulling the blanket up to
his chin and letting the end drag. "Papa..."
Trunks felt something in his chest grow a little tighter as the
necessity arose to face Goten. He nodded at last and placed his
hand on the boy's head, heading down the staircase quickly and
quietly.
He could sense the younger demi-Saiyan in the kitchen. He moved
to the doorway to look in. Goten was writing something on a piece
of paper. He scribbled something out with a disgusted look and
tried again. The pain and tight nervousness in his face made him
look a good portion of his fifty-four years. Maybe forty at most.
At last he gave up on the paper, and stood, tearing it quite
methodically into tiny scraps which he brushed into the trash
can. The move seemed to bring him a new measure of calm. Trunks
now saw the bag he had packed sitting at his feet, and Goten
moved to pick it up.
He's...? Something sent an adrenaline shock through
Trunks' system, but the implications kept him frozen.
Goten turned then, and saw him. That mask of calm didn't waver.
"I see you're awake."
"Goten, where are you going?" Trunks' eyes flicked from
the bag up to his inflexible dark eyes.
"Out," he said shortly.
"For how long."
"I don't know. And I'm surprised you care."
Trunks looked up at him again from where his gaze had wandered
away, his hand bracing himself on the doorframe as Goten
delivered his last remarkable comment in an unremarkable tone.
"Why?"
"I've been thinking tonight, Trunks. I think I should do it
more often. Maybe I could have been gone by now."
"Explain." The word was blurted past his lips before he
could stop himself, and Goten shook his head.
"I'm tired, Trunks. I'm tired of this. My life... hurts. And
I'm tired of it."
Trunks looked at him, his heart jack-hammering in his chest, and
waited for Goten to say something, to give him some clue how to
act.
"You're not even going to stop me, are you. I wonder
sometimes what would have happened sixteen years ago if you
hadn't been pregnant." Goten's clip tone was unnatural to
him, the warmth that defined his personality carefully sheltered.
"Hnph."
"We've been together a long time, Goten."
"Yes we have. We're half Saiyan. We would be together a lot
longer. The rest of our lives, we promised. Well, that's a really
long time, Trunks. And if I can't look into my heart and feel any
kind of hope or expectation, then it's time I made myself a life
that includes a future."
"What are you saying?" Trunks was faintly horrified,
but he pressed it down back behind his face. "Goten, you
can't be serious in that you really want to... leave me."
"You're right. I don't." His eyes softened, just the
slightest bit. "I just think that there's some things wrong
when I never see you and I'm glad for that. I hate fighting with
you, and it's so often... I know why you won't even come home for
dinner, why you stay in that goddamned attic of yours. You don't
even spend any time with your son, Trunks- he looks up to you so
-"
"What do you want from me, Goten?" It broke in a bitter
torrent before he even realized it would, before he realized it
would come out as anger and callousness. "I'm not perfect,
alright? If you had these concerns you should say
something-"
"Bullshit, Trunks; don't jerk me around. You know what's
going on here as well as I do!" Goten's voice rose to meet
his in the battle that was so familiar after all these years.
"If you wanted to be away from me for a while you should
have at least told me... I could have given that to you, if that
was what you needed! But you're shutting us out, and I hate it so
much. I hate that my only life is my son, I hate that the rest of
it was stolen from me before I even realized."
Trunks seethed silently during this. "You're crazy,
Goten. What the hell is passing through your mind that makes you
just up and start with this shit?"
"You remember how it was sixteen years ago, Trunks?"
Goten tilted his head with his soft tone, eyes once again
impenetrable. "How in love we were, how happy- we had five
healthy kids who'd grown up quite wonderfully, grandchildren who
looked up to us... the company didn't require your "constant
attention"- hell, we even remembered what sex was!"
Trunks scowled nastily, confused.
"What happened to all that? What went wrong?" Goten
looked at him in perplexity. "Telling my son some things
brought back memories I'd been trying to push away, because I do
remember that, and it hurts to think of that time, back then. I
remember I told you...." Goten at last looked maybe a little
guilty. "I told you I didn't know if I would forgive you for
everything that happened then. I don't really blame you for it,
but I guess I just never did."
There was really nothing Trunks could say to that. He clenched
his fists under a wave of shame and anger.
"I have some things to think about, Trunks; on my own. It
all just hit me at once and I realize I can't be near you now. I
need some time to put my life back into some semblance of order
in my own mind."
"Will you be back?" Trunks asked at last.
"I don't know."
Trunks had stared at the kitchen tile. He hadn't really expected
that answer, but then again, he knew he should have. His eyes
clashed with their complementing pools for a long moment before
Goten hefted his bag again. "Take care of Tsukishiro. He's
better off here. That means you'll have to actually be with him
though, if you can manage that. Tell him I'm sorry, and I'll be
in touch." Goten's familiar tread resounded on the kitchen
floor, his steps moving through the hall. He pulled on his coat,
and the door opened as Goten went out, closing with a resounding
noise.
"Father!" Tsuki was in the room immediately, no doubt
having listened to every word. "Father, he's gone!" The
boy crashed into him, and Trunks caught him and held him to stand
upright. Tsuki's arms wrapped around his waist, sobbing as he
looked up at him. "You have to go after him!"
"Go after him?" Trunks asked, brow furrowed.
"You have to go get him," the young demi-Saiyan
insisted. "He loves you! Please make him come back!"
Tsuki sobbed. Trunks realized that the boy had never been without
Goten in his life, that Goten was the more maternal type in his
case, and that he had taken care of Tsuki for years..... years
when Trunks had only noticed the boy slightly beyond the
necessary. He loved him, yes, but...
"You don't understand, Tsuki. I can't... do that. He left.
Bringing him back right now would be-"
"Liar!" The boy sometimes had all of the good and
bad qualities of his parents, including what Trunks' temper and
what little impatience Goten possessed. "You're scared,
admit it! You're too afraid to go after him! You're giving up
just like you did then!" Trunks wondered for a long moment
what he was talking about. He had to wonder at Goten's story.
The boy's chest heaved, everything from his fists to his ragged
dark locks quivering in anger. "You can't even bring
yourself to love him anymore, can you? How can you give up on
him?" Trunks was surprised that the gaze of the son was more
accusing than that of his departed father. "You don't love
Papa-" the boy broke down in bitter tears, glaring dark blue
hatred at him. "You don't!"
Trunks reached a hand to him, to calm him, to reassure him.
"Tsuki-"
"No!" He yanked his shoulder away from his father's
grasp, taking off out of the kitchen, ignoring it when his
shoulder banged into the door frame in his haste. "Don't
speak to me!"
For a moment, Trunks was filled with pain, fear- he pressed his
hands to his face, unable to believe that Goten had finally left
him. When he looked back in his memories, Goten had almost always
been there. It was frightening now for him to be gone, in a way
it hadn't that first time. Something closer to his old feelings
coursed through him and told him that his son was exactly right-
he should go after Goten. He had to bring his lover back.
Then, as part of his consciousness watched in astonishment and
cursed him for an unfeeling bastard, his panic and pain slowly
drained away, flowing out of him as though they had never been
there. He was a little more tired for the adrenaline rush, but
other than that anyone would swear he was fine. But he couldn't
stop shaking.
"Whatever happens happens," he told himself at last.
"And if Goten doesn't come back then.... so be it."
To be continued?